Girl Power!!!

I must remember the power of creative outlets such as writing, journaling, dancing, poetry, blogging.

I recently read that 'privacy is power', what people don’t know they can’t manipulate, judge,  twist or use against you. That put fear into me and made me wonder if that fear drives the disconnection between people causing such a lack of community. Let’s fear sharing, shall we? Let’s fear our words being twisted and people misreading what we are saying. Let’s people please and stay small? I pondered this.

What I am going to share... is this.

That there is power in writing and sharing, there is power in lyrics shared from a broken aching heart across the globe connecting people in feeling emotions. Lily Allen is the perfect example of this, as her divorce details go public, she took the power back by sharing her healing and pain through her new album.

As I write this, I have on repeat Viva Forever by The Spice Girls. What triggered that, was a random urge to play Mama by The Spice Girls. I was watching ‘Nobody wants this’ and the lead characters had a transfer tattoo that said 'Girl power'. That got me thinking about the birth of ‘Girl power’ and ultimately lead me to The Spice Girls. I knew I had to play one of their songs, Mama was the first one that dropped in, probabaly because I just watched a scene of a mother and daughter hanging out, I felt an ache as it reminded me of my mum. I trusted that and pushed play. Then it hit me, the grief, the first few seconds in I remembered being younger playing that song and just crying. Crying over the fear of losing my mum, the many ways in which I already felt I had lost her. I had lost her to grief, hurt and anger. She had also lost me to the same or the suppression of such emotions that I bottled up and just became numb to. "Where'd my little girl go", she use to cry. Not realising, I too was wondering where the mum I once knew had also gone, we had both changed to the hurt and devastation around us. Little did we know this had to happen, this contracting, cocooning so something else wiser, fiercer, kinder could emerge on the other side of the devastation. It took me to leave my mum, for us to find each other again, to come back to this new reborn relationship that was like a friendship, from a place where I learnt to mother myself and the deep compassion I now hold for my mum. Mum has been through so much she doesn’t quite realise herself.

We have both been met with challenges recently and all I want right now, is to be held by my mum. I haven’t seen her in 3 years and now I feel that anxiety and guilt of leaving someone for someone all over again. The compassion I hold for her is almost unbearable to hold. The mother daughter relationship is intertwining and unraveling simultaneously, and it can feel excruciating at times.

With a woman’s bleed, many say the veil is thin, a lot is coming up and through. My body urges me to connect with the mother, that is earth.  She urges me to stop and listen to the birds, wind and river flow. She asks me to forgive and let go as the gales blow. She calls me to love myself as I so love and respect her. To feel deeply like her roots and to burn down the systems with fiery grace like the molten lava that resides in her core. She asks me to be brave like her mountains and to shine like the reflection of the moon on the dark ocean. Mother earth is the embodiment of GIRL POWER! The Spice Girls were the embodiment of that also and a reminder of the power we as women hold within. The Spice Girls brought women together in so many ways, singing and dancing for sure! I grieve that we seem to have lost what they helped build. They planted a seed and she needs a water, tending to, light and love. This girl power seed, needs to be held, hair stroked, life breathed into, to not be alone, to be danced and sang again. I grieve for that spice girl energy, it is needed so much right now.

Mother earth is asking me to fight, through storytelling and helping others remember, they are not alone. We do not need to compare or compete. We do not need jealousy or resentment. Sometimes our heart can harden to protect ourselves from the devastation in the world, sometimes we need that, other times the earth asks us to soften into poetry and hugs. Wholesome, hyggey, homely ways, "be gentle" she whispers. The relationship between earth and my own mother feels similar, I know we are woven by the same force, love, and all women are connected like the mycelium sheath. I know you can feel this.

The power of love has always been my biggest and bravest feeling to hold and embody. To embody love, is not from the mind but from the body, the body that is from the earth.

For whatever reason this is what needs to be shared in this moment, and so I bleed, I dance and bleed, dance and bleed. Let it bleed, let it go. Be raw not numb! Viva Forever!