Masking is burning you out!!

Healing, Unmasking & the Misunderstood Truth About Being “Too Blunt”

I recently read a blog by Janae Elisabeth (Trauma Geek) who articulated something I’ve felt for a long time but hadn’t yet been able to name.

They said that healing trauma can actually amplify our ADHD traits, not because we’re becoming more dysfunctional, but because we’re becoming less masked. And that cracked something open in me.

“Most ADHDers cope with demands of society by disconnecting and masking. When we heal trauma, we become more connected to ourselves and we mask less, making the underlying hereditary ADHD wiring differences much more obvious.” Janae Elisabeth

For those of us who are 99% sure we have undiagnosed ADHD, but have been unable to access formal diagnosis due to long waitlists or the financial cost, this lands even harder. Whether you’re officially diagnosed or not, the experience of healing, of actually slowing down, building nervous system capacity, learning how to sit with discomfort, can bring an unexpected side effect:

You feel worse before you feel better.

Much like a nutritional cleanse where the toxins flood your system on their way out, healing can bring with it a storm of awareness. The mental clarity that comes through somatic or trauma work sometimes reveals just how much you’ve had to suppress, distort, or hide who you really are just to survive and “fit in.”

And that, for me, has been one of the most confronting parts.

Because what if your unmasked self is… direct? What if you say what you mean and you mean what you say, and there’s no fluff, no emojis, no sugar-coating? What if you dress how you want to dress and someone else finds it “too much”? What if your humour is bold and your energy is big or blunt or strange and beautiful?

When we unmask, we start living more fully, but it doesn’t always mean life gets easier. In fact, it often means we’re met with more of other people’s discomfort. More of their projections. More assumptions that we’re rude, moody, or “too much.”

And in a society that rewards the “tend-and-befriend,” people-pleasing survival response, those of us who step outside of that norm risk being labeled as problematic, even when we’re just being ourselves.

There have been times in my life where I’ve sent a message, written an email, or spoken honestly, and the response I got back completely blindsided me. I didn’t mean to be rude. I wasn’t upset. In fact, I might’ve really liked that person! But because I didn’t wrap it in ten layers of fluff and perform the role of emotional caretaker in my tone… it was taken the wrong way.

Sound familiar?

We’re so conditioned to communicate in socially-acceptable, emotionally-palatable ways that anything outside of that norm gets seen as cold, abrupt, or “not okay.” And yet, I’ve learned that for some of us, especially those healing trauma, neurodivergent folks, ADHDers, and the deeply sensitive ones, trying to constantly mask to make everyone else feel comfortable is what’s actually been making us sick.

Masking is burning us out!! It’s exhausting!!

I had a friend in the UK years ago who said something direct to me in a moment of decision-making. She was asking me to hurry up, no fluff, no fluffing, no polite performance. Just: “Can you hurry up?” And I took it so personally. I thought she was being rude or dismissive. But the more I got to know her, and understand her background, I realised she wasn’t trying to offend me. She was just saying what she meant. That was her way of being.

And it was a huge reframe.

There’s a difference between someone who’s blunt and someone who’s cruel. One is honest. The other is harmful. But because we’re raised in a culture where politeness is a performance, we sometimes can’t tell the difference.

So here’s what I’m learning:

• Just because someone speaks plainly, doesn’t mean they’re upset with you.

• Just because someone skips the emoji doesn’t mean they’re angry.

• Just because someone’s tone doesn’t match your expectation, doesn’t mean they’re being rude.

• Just because someone isn’t performing a survival response like appeasing or softening themselves doesn’t mean they’re a threat.

And on the flip side: if you’re that person, the unmasked one, the blunt one, the one learning to stop hiding, this is your reminder that you’re not too much. You’re just not shrinking anymore.

We’re entering a new era. A time where more people are healing, waking up, and choosing to be authentically themselves. And yes, it might mean fewer people-pleasing. It might mean less of the performative empathy. But it also means more truth, more directness, more depth, more clarity, more integrity.

It doesn’t mean we’re becoming ruder. It means we’re becoming real.

So the next time someone communicates in a way that feels a little outside the norm, take a pause. Ask yourself: Are they actually being mean? Or are they just being themselves?

And if you’re ever unsure, ask them. Don’t assume. Don’t project. Don’t make their truth about you.

Because this unmasking movement? It’s already here. And it’s going to be fucking amazing.

If you’d like to understand this more I highly recommend watching ‘Heartbreak High’ Quinn’s character has taught me a lot. And the actor who plays them Chloé Hayden, has written an incredible book that speaks to this called ‘ Different , Not Less’. Check it out!