
The subtleness of Misogyny and how it actually sounds…
- Lauren Albans
- 15 minutes ago
- 4 min read
I asked chat gpt this question to really get an understanding of how misogyny shows up and how it can sound….( this was eye opening and I had a few spinach in the teeth moments 😬) But we can do better.
“Give me some examples of very subtle, passive, aggressive, misogynistic things women say to other women.”
Appearance-Based Undermining
These sound like compliments but imply criticism or comparison.
• “You’re so brave for wearing that.”
• “I could never pull that off, but it really suits you.”
• “You look great — have you lost weight?”
• “You’re lucky you don’t have to wear makeup.”
• “I wish I had the confidence to dress like that.”
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👑 Subtle Hierarchy or Superiority
These often position the speaker as more evolved, grounded, or “not like other girls.”
• “I just get along better with guys — less drama, you know?”
• “I’m not really into all that girly stuff.”
• “Some of us have real jobs.”
• “I’d never let my partner treat me like that.”
• “I could never be friends with women who act like that.”
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🍼 Motherhood, Age & Life Choices
These can carry judgment about what a “good” woman or mother should be.
• “You’ll understand when you have kids.”
• “I can’t believe you’re still single — you’re such a catch!”
• “You’re so lucky you don’t have responsibilities yet.”
• “I’d be exhausted too if I didn’t have help.”
• “You don’t have kids, so you wouldn’t get it.”
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💬 Emotional Dismissal or Policing
These subtly invalidate another woman’s feelings or expression.
• “You’re being a bit sensitive.”
• “I don’t do drama.”
• “You’re overthinking it — just let it go.”
• “You should smile more; you look upset.”
• “You’re intimidating — maybe tone it down a bit.”
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💼 Professional/Competence Undermining
Especially common in workplaces.
• “You’re so lucky, you just have that natural charm.”
• “You’re great at the soft skills.”
• “You’re so organised — that’s why women make such good assistants.”
• “You’re so ambitious! I could never be that focused on work.”
• “You’re good at presenting; people always listen when you speak — must be that energy of yours.”
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🌪 Disguised Competition or One-Upmanship
These pit women subtly against each other under a guise of support.
• “You’re gorgeous! I wish I could eat whatever I wanted like you.”
• “You’re so confident — I could never post photos like that.”
• “You’re lucky, men love women who are curvy like you.”
• “Oh, I just assumed you were older — you’re so mature.”
• “I didn’t think you’d be into something that deep.” Age & Dating Double Standards
Implying that women’s desirability has an expiry date or that attraction must follow social norms.
• “Oh, you’re dating someone younger? Bit of a cougar, are we?”
• “He must really like older women!”
• “Good on you for still getting out there.”
• “I didn’t think you’d find someone after your divorce!”
• “He’s how old? What do you even talk about?”
• “Wow, he must keep you young.”
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💸 Money, Power, & Control
Framing women as dependent, manipulative, or opportunistic.
• “Must be nice having a sugar daddy.”
• “Well, she only dates guys with money.”
• “She knows how to work her way up, if you know what I mean.”
• “You can always tell when a guy’s paying for her lifestyle.”
• “She’s only with him for the stability.”
• “He spoils her — she’s got it figured out.” (sounds admiring, but carries judgment)
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💍 Single-Shaming or Pity Disguised as Concern
These sound like empathy but imply that being single is a flaw or failure.
• “You’ll meet someone soon, don’t worry.”
• “You’re too picky — that’s why you’re still single.”
• “You’re so independent, it must be hard to find someone who can handle you.”
• “I can’t believe you’re single — you’re such a catch!” (backhanded because it implies surprise)
• “You’ll change your mind about wanting kids once you find the right person.”
• “You must be so lonely without a partner.”
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💅 Judgment About Freedom or Boundaries
Shaming women for autonomy, sexuality, or lifestyle choices.
• “She’s always out with someone new.”
• “She’s not relationship material.”
• “You’re still on dating apps? I could never.”
• “She’s just going through a phase.”
• “Some women just can’t be alone.”
• “You’re too strong for a man to handle.”
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💔 Competition & Projection
Comments that create hierarchy or moral superiority around relationships.
• “I could never date someone like that.”
• “She’s trying too hard to prove she’s happy single.”
• “I’d never let my man post photos like that.”
• “I don’t know how she gets guys like that — she’s not even that pretty.”
• “You’re so lucky your boyfriend lets you do your own thing.”
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