When We Say “It Could Be Worse”: How Emotional Bypassing Blocks Our Healing

When We Say “It Could Be Worse”: How Emotional Bypassing Blocks Our Healing

How many times have you heard someone say, “I shouldn’t complain, other people have it so much worse”? Maybe you’ve said it yourself. It seems harmless, even humble. But underneath that phrase often lies a deeper pattern of emotional bypassing, one that invalidates our very real experiences and feelings. I know I have done it, many times, I truely believed this approach was helpful, and at times maybe it was, for a while.

Emotional bypassing happens when we use seemingly positive statements or perspectives to avoid sitting with discomfort, pain, or vulnerability. Phrases like “At least I’m lucky,” or “Others have suffered more than me” can subtly shut down our emotional process before it even begins. We may not even realise we’re doing it…. but every time we compare our pain to someone else’s and decide it’s not valid enough to be felt, we send ourselves a message: Your feelings don’t matter.

And if we don’t believe our feelings are valid, how can we begin the journey of healing?

Sometimes, the barrier to healing isn’t just the pain we’ve been through, it’s the fear of what might come after that pain. Joy. Contentment. Stability. These feelings sound beautiful in theory, but for many of us, they feel completely unfamiliar in the body. And when something feels unfamiliar, the nervous system often interprets it as unsafe.

It’s not uncommon for people to struggle more with the capacity to hold joy than they do with grief or anger. These “positive” states might trigger anxiety… not because anything is wrong, but because our brains and bodies don’t yet know how to feel safe in them. We’ve spent so long bracing for the next wave of chaos, that peace can feel like the eye of the storm — suspicious, temporary, even dangerous.

This is why joy can be accompanied by anxiety. Why excitement can feel like panic. It’s the nervous system saying, “I don’t recognise this. I don’t know how to hold this.” And instead of expanding into the moment, we contract. We self-sabotage. We back away from healing, not because we’re broken, but because we’re trying to protect ourselves from the unknown.

Healing Starts with Validation

Healing doesn’t begin with gratitude or perspective. It begins with validation. It begins with saying:

“What I’ve been through mattered. How I feel about it matters. I deserve space to feel it fully.”

This doesn’t negate gratitude — it makes it deeper. When we stop comparing our pain, we stop competing for worthiness. We begin to reclaim our right to feel, to process, and to heal.

And slowly, with practice, our bodies can learn that joy is not a trap. That safety is not a lie. That we don’t have to choose between being grateful and being honest about our pain. We can hold both.

So the next time you catch yourself saying, “It could be worse,” pause. Ask yourself:

“Can it just be hard right now, without needing to compare?”

Because you don’t need permission to feel. You already have it.